In Hindsight
Everything is different in hindsight isn't it ??
This has been a challenging yet very insightful year in a half and we are not out of it yet but I can say I have heard from God in many many ways most of them in hard ways. Let me take you back to the beginning.
It all started a few years ago when my marriage was in big trouble and I was completely unhappy and really just not living for God but kinda just coasting along doing life but NOT living life. I wanted to move I never liked Las Vegas I never wanted to be there I was forced my junior year of high school I begged my parents to stay. I later found out I could have stayed in California with my grandparents but my parents refused to give me that option needless to say when I later found that out I grew very bitter towards their decisions. Before you know it I have been married twice have 8 children and was still in the place I hated for 30 years.
Moving was a hot topic in our marriage if you can imagine for I say the last 7 years but my husband really wasn't having it which became I hot topic in our marriage fights. I just wanted him to consider and begin praying about it but 7 years went by until finally about 4 years ago we had a possible opportunity to go back to my home town Huntington Beach, California where I longed to be however God quickly began slamming all doors closed to that opportunity and our marriage was now on rockier ground than ever before for many reasons that was just the final straw. Some time passed and there was talk about moving to where some of our family resides in Texas until again God closed all those doors as well. My dream to moved seemed farther and farther from every being a reality.
It's now Fall of 2019 and the Lord is moving and working in my life in leaps and bounds by then I was 1 year into counseling and working to improve myself from the inside out to HEAL from a very broken past. In October a girlfriend and I went on a girl trip to meet up with her sisters it was really my first girl trip away from family far away and my first PLANE Ride . We went to good o'le Nashville it was amazing . People WERE friendly and kind and it was so gorgeous I guess it reminded me alot of California. I was craving the simple life and a change of scenery. I cried a lot of the trip. When I came home I shared a lot with my husband just really from the heart and without confrontation he was intrigued for the first time ever I was like wow NOW why now. We prayed and January 2020 we decided we would move that September of 2020 well then The PANDEMIC happened ................
We were horrified at how the different states were handling this pandemic and ours was one of the more strict crazy ones. The doors began flying open literally and we decided with I can't tell you how much PRAYER and tears and a bit of sadness yet also happiness to move the moving date from September 2020 to end of May 2020 right smack in the middle of the PANDEMIC were we nuts are you nuts we asked GOD. My friends sister lived here in Tennessee so we chose near her and unfortunately made the move without know ANYTHING about house there was no flying out to do a walk through we literally only saw it online and knew nothing of the management company that was handling the property or anything about surrounding area so really moved entire (except 2 older kids) family on BLIND FAITH.
When we arrived I'm not gonna lie it was a whole different vibe then the year prior. Also we did not come to Clarksville when we originally came on Gal pal trip we all met in Nashville so I never even spent any time here in this city. This city was a shock not only MAJOR culture shock but we soon found out was a military town so it was either people from all over stationed here or retired military who look at us side ways when they find out we moved here and are neither military or retired. We were even RECENTLY"RUDELY' asked , Why didn't y'all go to Nashville", I tried hard to be nice but said in reply ,"We ask ourselves that everyday trust and believe." When we ask around We have been told it's because of Pandemic or it's a military town or the south is known for "SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY" for folks visiting key word "VISITING". I am going to STOP here because a lot of this story is still a bit raw and fresh and FEELINGS need to be worked through. However I am gonna share what this year in Good O'le Tennessee has taught my entire family.
First please don't get me wrong we all have enjoyed the greenery and beauty. The long Sunday drives my family has grown to love. The slower pace of life has taught us a lot even if we find ourselves back in a bigger city we will no longer compromise our time for things that in the end have no meaning what so ever yet so many of our lives were entangled with those kinds of "things". We love the big yard to run around in and have taken full advantage of it. We have loved a few AMAZING restaurants with AMAZING PEOPLE who we have BLESSED and they bless us. However I am now gonna share the NOT SO glorious parts which are now beginning to out weigh the GOOD.
Please also understand when I tell you we came with an OPEN heart and mind we really all did we also ALL have tried and tried and tried and it is only getting more and more apparent we DO NOT BELONG HERE. Let me begin by sharing we drove here in 3 cars 8 people in all over multiple states taking a total of 3 days we were exhausted upon arrival. We pull up to Property Management Company to pick up keys and were told because of Covid must wait out in car so ALL 3 vehicles and 8 people tired grumpy hangry and ready to see this new home were then told she can't give us the keys until we get confirmation of utilities being turned on in y'alls name. SAY WHAT so 2 hours later sitting out in our cars in humid weather were finally given the keys!! Welp welcome to Tennessee. We finally get into rental and let's just say if it's to good to be true it probably isn't true well that's how we feel about the VERY MISLEADING pictures on website for home.
Second night here the RAIN starts and my husband can't see and hits our metal mail box with my truck and my truck after almost a decade has a dent that looks awful. Truck 4 days late bringing our entire life in it which once arrives we find many things broken and ruined ok we can get past that and we did. Then the rain rain rain soooooooooooooo much rain Now please before one more person tells me , "Well Cindy, what did you expect that's why so green." I will SCREAM I knew it rained but y'all it's literally 3 times a week EVERY WEEK AFTER WEEK AFTER WEEK. Remember I spent the last 30 years in VEGAS it's rains once every 6 months for 10 min and stops . I don't think you understand when I say all the time it rains here I mean ALL the time and it's from morning until night not just for 10 mins. and when your NOT use to that and you are A very outdoors person who THRIVES on SUNSHINE it was very depressing to say the least.
Where we are there are NO sidewalks, barely any curbs and no room for error or you will wind up in a ditch which is exactly where my son found himself last week after the scare of his life in the RAIN of coarse and he sat there as GOOD O'LE SOUTHERN people just kept passing him (his dad out of town and I was taking another son to work in the rain) only one man stops to say I would help but can't so then why stop at all ???? I can't with so many people here. Then poor kid waits 55 min for our insurance to send a free road-side truck so he can be pulled out of said ditch car fine ($500.00 in damage later) he is fine but man oh man. Then I don't even HAVE enough time to tell you all 4 boys JOB experiences out here that's a whole other blog y'all I can't even make this stuff up. Then there is the leaky roof we submitted a work order in November of 2020 it's now May of 2021 y'all I told you it rains at the very LEAST TWICE a week every week and it's been 7 months no fixing we NOW have BLACK MOLD and leak that goes down side of wall. So finally today they call my hubby to inform him there working on getting guys out but be patient it's rainy season. Are you freaking kidding me be patient it's been 7 months . Husband proceeds to say well now we have BLACK MOLD and we need to address that ASAP she says wait for it ......"sir let's address one issue at a time we will fix roof and then we will discuss mold." WOW we are speechless. Hubby says well we are speaking to a lawyer over matter oh well she says I can no longer speak to you about matters ok. I mean in all the stuff we dealt with in Vegas it's all NOTHING compared to this I guess you REALLY GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR. She then says what I can tell you though is another reason why I am calling is because your neighbors have collectively gotten together and complained about your sons Mustang and how loud it is and him driving down street like he is in a drag race. Now were both FUMING because 1 that's a lie my son knows better and is the good kid plus we have cameras in which we DAILY WATCH our footage there were two days he had to rev engine because of car not going into gear and dying but he does NOT DRIVE EXCESSIVLY and drag race your out of your mind. What makes us super ANGRY is one we have never ever ever had a neighbor complain about us ever one time in Vegas OUR NEIGHBOR came over like a "MAN" and asked if Noah could maybe lay off RPM'S at night he was so kind saying we know you get home late from work and have to drive just maybe a little lower we all laughed and we complied never an issue again. Not one time have any of these so called SOUTHERN HOSPITABLE PEOPLE said a word let alone come ask if we could keep cars less noisy. REALLY you have to get ALL the neighbors together to complain behind one neighbors back AWESOME we SEE you TRUST and BELIEVE WE SEE YOU. What is even MORE bothersome about this is 1 the neighbor directly across the street has no issues starting his loud Harley every morning at 7am with his music blaring. Didn't ask or warn us that he was getting a driveway put in and ALL week long big trucks were blocking our path or the next door neighbors who after their mom introduced herself only to gossip about the entire neighborhood and make us completely feel not wanted after saying oh to bad y'all didn't move 2 streets over this street is ALL older retired peeps. Wow nice to meet you too. Well her two older sons still live at home and were PARTYING in the backyard pool until 2 -3 am GETTING DRUNK and listening to loud music keeping my toddler and teen up maybe I should of called cops. Or how about the neighbors caddy corner who leave big dog's home inside ALL day while at work to bark and bark and bark. ohhhhhhhh how I miss VEGAS!!
ALL that to say in hind-sight maybe it was not God's PERFECT will we moved to Tennessee after all but a very huge costly lesson to learn to be CONTENT to love and find JOY where you are to have stopped looking to flee from the one place that brought me a relationship with God , my husband, my children, my church family, my friend ohhhhhhhh my friends and the reality of who those "FRIEND'S" really were and are and will continue to be forever and eternity. I have learned to NOT take for granted the little things anymore like the many walking paths we had in Henderson and the curbs and side-walks the stores near the stores oh my stores. The wonderful selection of good healthy food everywhere that's much harder to find out here. My kids are all overwhelmed as well that would take alot to explain their hearts are still all back in Vegas and they will be coming back as soon as able. At this point we are working with a Lawyer to break lease and get FULL deposit back and will also be moving away from here too right now I really am not 100% sure where we just know AWAY from here. I have actually just barely began to break the surface of the many negatives we have had here if you can believe that so when I tell you it's not that we have not tried or I am a complainer maybe you can now see this side and pray and be understanding where the complaining has come from.
Until Next Time,
Cindy Bolt